Pushing Mediocrity

I look at fitness, running specifically, like a sliding scale, measured by the amount of effort I am able to exert.  Since that’s tough to quantify, we can look at it in mph (treadmill-style).

When I first started running, maintaining a 6.0 pace (10-minute mile) was really tough.  My race goal was to finish a 5-K in under 30 minutes.  Also, I thought 3.1 miles was really, really far.  I’d show up and run as hard as I could, and I am happy to say that only once in a race nine years ago on a day that was 20* and snowing did I finish over 30 minutes.  As I’ve become more interested and dedicated to  running these past five years, my scale has been directly correlated with how long it’s been since I’ve last given birth or how many weeks I have until I next give birth.  I’ve been pregnant almost as much as I’ve been not pregnant.  So my scale has slid between 8.0-8.5 when I’m furthest away from giving birth / early in pregnancy to a 5.0-5.5 when I’m over 30 weeks pregnant / just given birth.  While none of those times are elite status I realize I’m not made to be an elite runner, I’m just a regular person, a regular mommy, who loves to run my best.

My best is something only I can define.  And my limits certainly are defined by pregnancy, along with age, injury status, weather, time of year (and ability to get outside for runs), and my kids extracurricular activities that season sucking up my time to workout.

Earlier this month I ran a 5-mile race I run every year for the past four years.  It’s a super hilly, very challenging 5 mile race through the countryside in the town where my mom grew up.  And it  honors a girl who was hit and killed by a car that my cousins went to school with.  Last year I had my best run on the course to date, finishing in 42:32.  I had been running really well this spring and was hoping to beat that time this year.

Lo and behold comes race day.  Race starts at 9am and it’s already a muggy and humid 80*.  Also I made the poor choice to eat 3 pieces of stuffed crust pizza for dinner the night before.  In normal running conditions (65-70*) my diet’s never really been a factor. But in the heat, it’s like the pizza was being re-baked in my stomach again.  Disgusting.  5 miles later and I finished the race in 46 minutes.  My 2nd to worst time ever (my slowest time on the course being the  year I ran 4 months after giving birth).  And I only barely beat my slowest time.  It was disappointing.  But it was also a learning experience.

Lesson 1:  Pay attention to the weather.  If it’s going to be really hot or really cold or really rainy before your race, eat, hydrate and dress appropriately.  I shouldn’t have had all that pizza.  And I should have brought my carry along running water bottle.

Lesson 2:  Even when you feel you’re at your strongest, race day doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to translate into a PR.  This year I had more friends at that race than I’ve ever had at a race before, and the pressure of knowing they all look to me as the “real runner” because I’m so into fitness and working out definitely added pressure.  It’d be a lie to say I didn’t think I cracked a little bit under the pressure of knowing I was expected to beat them all to the finish line.

Lesson 3:  Find a way to have fun.  I had all these friends there.  But because of the heat and the pressure, I had zero fun.  My husband had my kids there for their first 1-mile kids fun run and they were miserable in the heat.  I was worried about them.  I was worried about running fast in the heat.  I was worried about my oldest daughter who wasn’t with us because she had dance practice.  I wasn’t focused on things being just me and the road.  And I wasn’t having fun.

me and my first-time racers

Watching Monsters University with my kids earlier this week got me to thinking…  Mike Wazowski wasn’t the best scarer.  He wasn’t even scary, not even a little bit.  But he worked hard and made himself into the best he could be and he ended up having fun and making a lot of friends along the way.  He never gave up on himself no matter what others told him.  That’s all I can hope for on my running journey.

I know I’m not elite.  I’ll never be.  But now that we are pretty sure we are done having kids (I guess you can never say never, which is why I put that semi-open ended) I want to work on pushing my mediocrity.  I want to see how far I can slide that scale until I accomplish some of the goals and dreams I’ve had since I started running seriously 5 years ago.  Every time I’ve gotten within seconds of breaking under 25 minutes for a 5-K I’ve gotten pregnant and watched my scale slide back towards slow and safe for the baby.  I don’t regret that at all.  But I’m ready to reach for full potential.  Whatever that might be.

Limits

I’ve spent most of the day today thinking about my comfort zone.

I guess it all started earlier at the bank. A teller had heard I was a spinning instructor and asked if my class was killer. I laughed and said of course. She replied that she definitely wouldn’t be trying it then and that she was gonna stick to her Zumba classes. I mean absolutely no disrespect to Zumba here but… I told her she can stick to her Zumba and stick to having no results. It’s not about Zumba – I can pretty much guarantee if she’s afraid of a little hard work because she heard spinning was tough then she’s not pushing for those results in Zumba. End of story.

And I found myself feeling sad for her.

I think about my life when I wasn’t fit or was newer to fitness. 5k’s terrified me. I wanted to obstacle race 10 years ago (before it was “cool”) but was afraid I’d embarrass myself or not be able to do it. I didn’t get brave until after I had kids… which puts limitations on your bravery for sure. Obviously injury means my primary job as stay at home mom becomes troublesome. Family budget & finances dictate how far or frequently I can race. But having kids… Being 9 months pregnant and looking at your giant belly and thinking “how the hell is whatever’s in there gonna come out of me,” is a super scary and intimidating thought. But our bodies do it. Every single day. And mine did it just fine too.

I think most people forget…

& I have freedom now. I am doing a 10+ mile obstacle course in 2 months and I am not afraid. I haven’t even looked at course info or websites about it because I simply don’t care. I will likely be nervous on race day… You don’t want to get hurt or let your team down or let yourself down with a bad performance… But no matter the obstacle I plan to show up and just do it. (thank you Nike)

I was definitely nervous before running my first full marathon – alone – last year. I’m not saying never be scared. I’m just saying don’t let fear beat you.

Look at the size of that smile after 26.2! No regrets, no fear!

You are capable of SO MUCH more than you believe. Quit listening to your brain & start following your heart & listening to your body. You may really surprise yourself. Embrace freedom.

Have you had a break-through moment where you realize you were stronger than you thought?